onlythans: (💔 oh so get in the car)
Thancred "thanzilla" Waters | 3♣ ([personal profile] onlythans) wrote in [personal profile] voidshift 2023-03-25 03:36 am (UTC)

I must.

[And to his own surprise, he finds himself — smiling. Not the playboy's rakish grin, but the expression that had Rynlan unthinkingly comparing him to the sun just days before.]

Because I knew, even when I asked, that you would need me to go first — and that I would. Because when you're hurt I want to be at your side and when you cry I want you in my arms and when you laugh I want to be laughing with you. Because I asked you once to remind me of the reasons I should want to live instead of leaping between others and certain death, and you did, and you do, and I do want to live because every day I do is another day of time spent with you. Because I relish the marks of your teeth in my neck and miss them each time they fade. Because you ask for my clothes and I can never refuse you even if it means I wind up with nothing to wear in the slightest. Because I think your cat has half-adopted me by now and I'm half ready to return the favor in turn. Because you told me I had no trouble convincing you to fall into my bed when these days I spent most of my waking bells trying to work out how to make you fall into my arms instead. Because every fantasy I have of you eventually turns into one where you're simply part of my life.

[His smile softens just a touch.]

I must, because I know this feeling. Because this is how I felt watching Minfilia grow and thrive even when I wasn't allowing myself to be part of her life. How I feel whenever I think of Ryne. How I felt when I wrote that song for that girl I adore. Because I know deep down that you number among them, and quite frankly I can't imagine you anywhere else.

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