[He lies back into the sand, stretching his limbs out like he wants it to consume him, to just sink into the earth and let it reclaim him. Wouldn't that be nice.]
I think everyone would have agreed that you didn't have the capacity to be involved. You weren't mobile enough. Too many pieces didn't fit. And then we would have gone around and around in circles until time forced our hand, made us all reckless.
Then someone would've said, well, we don't have a better answer, and there's only one person here with blood of that hue, and it's not much but it's not nothing. Mayhap someone would've tried to defend you, insist on your innocence. And then the question would've come, well. If not you, then who? How do we choose? Do we just descend into favoritism and personal bias? At that point, I expect most would welcome the opportunity to hang a volunteer for the cause.
For what little it's worth, I would've given you the choice. After everything, I wouldn't have forced you to watch me die in your place. But I would have done it, willingly, if it had turned out that you were more afraid of dying for someone else's crimes than you were of losing me.
I don't know what I would've-- why only me, anyway? I saw Gideon and Bixing both questioning you about it, you'd have left me to answer to them too if you put your life in my hands like that. If I decided to choose mine.
Nav's yet to be implicated in any of our investigations, but I wouldn't hesitate to throw myself in front of it for her, either. If it had been her sword the only match to the hole in Chandra's throat, instead of something resembling your blood scattered about.
[He scrubs at his eyes with the back of his hand.]
We didn't have an answer, Ryn. I couldn't risk letting them hang you for nothing but that.
[The answer comes instantaneous. Zero hesitation.]
Twelve help me if the two of you ever set your minds to ganging up on me. I wouldn't stand a chance. I barely do already, even without the two of you joining forces.
Well, I have a feeling you're sure going to see it if you ever actually try to throw yourself under the wheels. You think I wouldn't join her if she objected to you trying to do that for her?
Would you sleep well at night, knowing you'd sent someone to their death for that? Just for being resistant? For needing to choose someone and finding him most convenient?
Don't make it out to sound as though I'm running around looking for swords to fall on. If everything that happened today had gone a different way, I would've been in position to do something for it. It turns out it didn't go that way, and that precaution wasn't needed.
I don't want to die and leave you either, Rynlan. But I couldn't have just done nothing.
[He lets that hang a minute, then. Thinking. Do something else, anything else. Was there anything else to do? Anything else he could've lived with?
There's one thing he's yet to do in this conversation, maybe. Something he forgets often, and always has.]
...I'm sorry. I was scared — not an easy thing for me to admit, I might add.
[He opens his eyes halfway, his expression turning tired and haggard as he lets that off his chest.]
Could you find it in your heart to let me off the hook, just for a little while? I'd very much just like to lie here with you and be relieved we're both alive. Just for a little while. Please.
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[He lies back into the sand, stretching his limbs out like he wants it to consume him, to just sink into the earth and let it reclaim him. Wouldn't that be nice.]
I think everyone would have agreed that you didn't have the capacity to be involved. You weren't mobile enough. Too many pieces didn't fit. And then we would have gone around and around in circles until time forced our hand, made us all reckless.
Then someone would've said, well, we don't have a better answer, and there's only one person here with blood of that hue, and it's not much but it's not nothing. Mayhap someone would've tried to defend you, insist on your innocence. And then the question would've come, well. If not you, then who? How do we choose? Do we just descend into favoritism and personal bias? At that point, I expect most would welcome the opportunity to hang a volunteer for the cause.
For what little it's worth, I would've given you the choice. After everything, I wouldn't have forced you to watch me die in your place. But I would have done it, willingly, if it had turned out that you were more afraid of dying for someone else's crimes than you were of losing me.
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[He scrubs at his eyes with the back of his hand.]
We didn't have an answer, Ryn. I couldn't risk letting them hang you for nothing but that.
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[he doesn't really get that sort of vibe.]
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[The answer comes instantaneous. Zero hesitation.]
Twelve help me if the two of you ever set your minds to ganging up on me. I wouldn't stand a chance. I barely do already, even without the two of you joining forces.
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[He's quiet for a bit.]
It worked out all right in the end, though. My hand wasn't forced. And here we all are.
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[his ears twitch, laying a little more flat.]
Don't do that again. Someone else can throw themselves on that particular altar.
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[It's more bitter than he means it to be, but that seems to be more frustration with the situation than with Ryn.]
We're not exactly a cadre of martyrs. Your roommate couldn't even be bothered to exonerate you until it suited him to give half a damn.
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[another angry twitch of his ears.]
That's just what I expect from my roommate, at this point, it wasn't a surprise.
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I don't want to die and leave you either, Rynlan. But I couldn't have just done nothing.
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There's one thing he's yet to do in this conversation, maybe. Something he forgets often, and always has.]
...I'm sorry. I was scared — not an easy thing for me to admit, I might add.
[He opens his eyes halfway, his expression turning tired and haggard as he lets that off his chest.]
Could you find it in your heart to let me off the hook, just for a little while? I'd very much just like to lie here with you and be relieved we're both alive. Just for a little while. Please.
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[only because he apologizes, because he admits to how he felt over it.]
But you're not off the hook entirely, Thancred, I'm going to hold to that.
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[He slides a hand blindly across the sand, looking for just one of Ryn's fingers to hook with one of his own.]
Tomorrow. That's all I ask.
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[he could say they're even, now.
he does not. he just lets thancred reach out, linking their fingers.]