Mnnnnh. In one trial, we were attacked by...what looked like people we knew. They came out of the woods and accosted us. Harrow attacked with skeletons under her control, and Ryne...got hold of her daggers.
[His tone of voice strongly suggests that he may have fucked up and allowed her to get hold of her daggers and go on a stabbing spree because he, himself, was stupid about them.]
But then Nav decided to use magic to deal with some of the skeletons. She magicked a — a sort of portable kitchen, appliances and all, into the air and crushed them with it. She didn't take into consideration how close I was to it when it fell.
[-no, it's okay, it's okay, she wouldn't have done it on purpose. he's all right. it's nowhere near as terrible as it could have been; he exhales a slow breath, there.]
...suppose that explains how you both reacted to her.
It caught me in the back. Fire from the fuel and the oil. Glass from the windows.
[The compulsion not to hurt him sits on one side of a set of Nald'thal's scales, balanced against the determination not to hide things from him. But he knows what that breath means, and where the panic that precedes it derives from, and shifts to reach up and touch the side of Ryn's face with a gentle drag of fingertips down his cheek.]
And to think after all that, we even still succeeded in our mission. The one we — the one we failed came later.
[fire and glass like a burst vial, oil like an alchemical catalyst-- thancred knows exactly where that brief panic springs from, definitely, but the soothing way he touches ryn's cheek helps.]
She was holding her gut wound shut. Moved her hand to hold it. I aimed for it because it was a prime target for inflicting the most damage, and I don't miss.
[And it kills him all over again to say it; the only way he can seem to manage it is like this, flat and methodical and factual. But his eyes squeeze tightly shut as he does, stinging hot, and after a second he has to open them again from the twisting apprehension in his gut of not wanting to be engulfed in the darkness behind his eyes when he says these things, either.]
I'd lost my other dagger to Ryne earlier. If I'd had it, my next throw would've killed her.
[he just-- leans in to rest their foreheads together, eyes closed, after thancred shuts his. he doesn't have to look. (and maybe it's just as much for rynlan's benefit, not having to see the look that goes along with that flat and methodical affect.)]
The rules weren't explained in advance. For all she knew she was just —
[It's so strange to talk through this, that feeling of not quite being in his own body settling in again, like he's looking down at himself and hearing a stranger saying these words as memories of didn't he think about me at all, what it would do to me and all he thought about in that moment was that you would live press in at the sides of his vision.]
I thought of it, too. As soon as I realized what was happening to us. I — if I had she'd still have her hand but I tried to find another way.
[It's Ryn's turn, now, to hear what he's not saying but that's so evidently placed there for him: I hesitated because I knew you wouldn't want me to.]
[asking him to live. to not do what gideon did. he knows thancred would have, and he knows that it means instead, he had to watch someone he cares about do the exact same thing. that someone else could have truly lost her life to spare his.
but he's a selfish person, he knows he is, and he's-- relieved it didn't happen. a part of him is quietly moved that thancred actually held off for him.]
Don't forgive me too quickly. I near let her take my head off, despite it.
[He motions vaguely to the side of his face that's cut up — and the one injury that looks different from the others, vertical down his eye instead of across his cheek like the rest.]
But no. After I was pronounced "winner", and we had summarily failed the exam, they brought her back. They just didn't see fit to mend her hand while they were at it.
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[His tone of voice strongly suggests that he may have fucked up and allowed her to get hold of her daggers and go on a stabbing spree because he, himself, was stupid about them.]
But then Nav decided to use magic to deal with some of the skeletons. She magicked a — a sort of portable kitchen, appliances and all, into the air and crushed them with it. She didn't take into consideration how close I was to it when it fell.
[...]
And exploded.
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[-no, it's okay, it's okay, she wouldn't have done it on purpose. he's all right. it's nowhere near as terrible as it could have been; he exhales a slow breath, there.]
...suppose that explains how you both reacted to her.
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[The compulsion not to hurt him sits on one side of a set of Nald'thal's scales, balanced against the determination not to hide things from him. But he knows what that breath means, and where the panic that precedes it derives from, and shifts to reach up and touch the side of Ryn's face with a gentle drag of fingertips down his cheek.]
And to think after all that, we even still succeeded in our mission. The one we — the one we failed came later.
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...what was the one you failed, Thancred?
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[He says, with a sudden bitterness and self-loathing that fits oddly against the tenderness of his movements.]
They put us in a room and bade us fight. When we were too slow to comply, they took our b—
[Unexpectedly, he finds himself choking on the word. Strange. He would've thought...]
They took our bodies, and did it for us.
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They made you-- then what you were saying about her hand, when you came back, you were...
[worried because he'd done it, more concerned for her because of what happened at his hand.
ryn's careful with him, considering all the injuries-- he rests a hand on his cheek, thumb stroking over the skin gently.]
That wasn't your fault, Thancred.
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[And it kills him all over again to say it; the only way he can seem to manage it is like this, flat and methodical and factual. But his eyes squeeze tightly shut as he does, stinging hot, and after a second he has to open them again from the twisting apprehension in his gut of not wanting to be engulfed in the darkness behind his eyes when he says these things, either.]
I'd lost my other dagger to Ryne earlier. If I'd had it, my next throw would've killed her.
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[he just-- leans in to rest their foreheads together, eyes closed, after thancred shuts his. he doesn't have to look. (and maybe it's just as much for rynlan's benefit, not having to see the look that goes along with that flat and methodical affect.)]
You're both here.
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[Soft as it is, not needing to be much louder than a whisper with Ryn's sensitive ears so close, it still cracks regardless.]
In front of me. Wrested back control just long enough to dive on her blade rather than swing it at me.
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[little more than a whisper, himself, full of worry at the way his voice cracks. at the thought of what happened.
silently, a small part of him is relieved thancred didn't have to be the one to do it, but he shoves it aside.]
...it was a way out of what it was forcing you to do, then.
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[It's so strange to talk through this, that feeling of not quite being in his own body settling in again, like he's looking down at himself and hearing a stranger saying these words as memories of didn't he think about me at all, what it would do to me and all he thought about in that moment was that you would live press in at the sides of his vision.]
I thought of it, too. As soon as I realized what was happening to us. I — if I had she'd still have her hand but I tried to find another way.
[It's Ryn's turn, now, to hear what he's not saying but that's so evidently placed there for him: I hesitated because I knew you wouldn't want me to.]
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[asking him to live. to not do what gideon did. he knows thancred would have, and he knows that it means instead, he had to watch someone he cares about do the exact same thing. that someone else could have truly lost her life to spare his.
but he's a selfish person, he knows he is, and he's-- relieved it didn't happen. a part of him is quietly moved that thancred actually held off for him.]
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[He motions vaguely to the side of his face that's cut up — and the one injury that looks different from the others, vertical down his eye instead of across his cheek like the rest.]
But no. After I was pronounced "winner", and we had summarily failed the exam, they brought her back. They just didn't see fit to mend her hand while they were at it.
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[mildly; it's a little teasing, as much as he can muster up right now.]
...they didn't see fit to med you either, save some concern for yourself.
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[smash cut to the 9000 times in our cyoa channel that we were reminded YOU CAN USE MAGIC TO HEAL YOURSELVES and then we didn't
Anyway, he swallows hard.]
I'd hoped I'd not have to relive...that. Again. Having my body taken from me.