...I didn't. Neither of us did. [...] When we woke up... we had no idea what to do. We actually thought that there might have been someone else who was awake. Like, there was a change-up, and now it was two people versus one.
I know-- I know what the alternative was going to be, you don't have to remind me, but it didn't matter. You gave us the answers. Whoever I picked, it wouldn't sway the numbers, so I just... I didn't want to do it.
[it wasn't going to kill anyone else, and he didn't want to condemn him.]
The end result's the same and I know it, but I still think there's a difference. What the other two did, it was different.
...I get it. If our positions were switched -- then I wouldn't have voted for you either.
[so he knows it's hypocritical of him to demand it from Rynlan, but... he's never been a perfect person.]
I didn't say that because I wanted to die or get voted for, honest. I just thought people deserved the truth, and if they get that bonus from writing it down... Maybe it'll help them. Or maybe it'll make things even worse, I dunno.
lavi glances away, not fast enough to show how much that request gets to him -- maybe more than the apologies and the well-wishes and the hopes that his death will at least be peaceful. it's scarier, he thinks, to be known.
but he's going to die tomorrow. if he's going to run away, then he can do it then.]
Something I want to be remembered, huh... [hmmm...] I've had forty nine different names, and Lavi's my most recent one. My real title's Bookman Junior.
[he's a writer. of course this is the kind of thing he wants to know; death can't be changed, but they can affect what comes after it. what's left behind, what's recalled.]
Forty-nine...? At your age? You go through them quickly.
...all right, I think I might forgive you for comparing me to him, before.
[he manages a little faint amusement at that, shaking his head.]
A spectator and recorder-- you're a form of author in your own right.
[not for the first time so far, he wishes they weren't having this conversation now. he's going to have so many questions; there's a lot he knows he'd have liked to talk about, just from this much.]
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...I didn't. Neither of us did. [...] When we woke up... we had no idea what to do. We actually thought that there might have been someone else who was awake. Like, there was a change-up, and now it was two people versus one.
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[not when it's like this. he already hated this because it was lavi, but it's just-- it's worse this way.]
I don't care if you ultimately did it.
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[as much as he looked like he accepted it. his shoulders sag,]
But I don't want to kill anyone again. I'm tired.
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[he breathes out, slow.]
...I still couldn't.
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...Why? Because you think it wasn't my fault?
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[he shrugs one shoulder.]
I know-- I know what the alternative was going to be, you don't have to remind me, but it didn't matter. You gave us the answers. Whoever I picked, it wouldn't sway the numbers, so I just... I didn't want to do it.
[it wasn't going to kill anyone else, and he didn't want to condemn him.]
The end result's the same and I know it, but I still think there's a difference. What the other two did, it was different.
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...I get it. If our positions were switched -- then I wouldn't have voted for you either.
[so he knows it's hypocritical of him to demand it from Rynlan, but... he's never been a perfect person.]
I didn't say that because I wanted to die or get voted for, honest. I just thought people deserved the truth, and if they get that bonus from writing it down... Maybe it'll help them. Or maybe it'll make things even worse, I dunno.
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[it was a lot easier to do, with the last two.]
Suppose at least you're not as self-sacrificial about it as you could be, though, there's that.
[he wouldn't want to listen to it.
after a few moments-]
It hasn't been all that long in hell, has it? Tell me something else about yourself. What you want to be remembered, maybe.
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lavi glances away, not fast enough to show how much that request gets to him -- maybe more than the apologies and the well-wishes and the hopes that his death will at least be peaceful. it's scarier, he thinks, to be known.
but he's going to die tomorrow. if he's going to run away, then he can do it then.]
Something I want to be remembered, huh... [hmmm...] I've had forty nine different names, and Lavi's my most recent one. My real title's Bookman Junior.
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Forty-nine...? At your age? You go through them quickly.
[how many names a year is that?]
What does the title mean?
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[wow, that conversation feels like ages ago...]
`The Bookman is a spectator to history, and its chronicler. He records the secret history of the world and passes it on to future generations.`
We're all part of a bigger clan, but the rest of us exist to support the current Bookman. I was supposed to take over his job.
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[he manages a little faint amusement at that, shaking his head.]
A spectator and recorder-- you're a form of author in your own right.
[not for the first time so far, he wishes they weren't having this conversation now. he's going to have so many questions; there's a lot he knows he'd have liked to talk about, just from this much.]